TdF predictions (I'll start, you provide your own)
It came to me in a dream...
Lance will be top 10 in the prologue, but Levi or Alberto (or maybe both) will be faster. This puts Lance in a supporting role, which he fulfills dutifully. During an early climbing stage Lance will sacrifice his own GC standing in support of his team leader, thus proving his loyalty. Once all chances of Lance being team leader for Astana are truly gone, 'L'Équipe will release an exclusive report showing that LNDD and AFLC are investigating Contador again for Operación Puerto (for which he has already been cleared at least twice in the past 3 years). Astana will be told by ASO to either pull him from the race "to preserve the honor of the sport and the sanctity of the TdF" or have the whole team disqualified. Johan B will pull him from the race. Levi then takes over as team leader and responds with a monster day in the mountains, putting him within striking distance of the yellow jersey, at which point AFLC will demand samples of his urine, blood and hair. The urine and blood will be completely clean, and he will offer some short and curlies, but be disqualified from the race for his willful refusal to provide an acceptable hair sample, leaving Astana with no riders in the top 10. Rather than being happy about this, competing teams will openly express their anger with the ridiculous nature of the allegations.
Somewhere in the mountains Didi will spot Dick Pound riding in an open car and impale him with his trident. Unfortunately, Pound will make a full recovery, and Didi will be banned from spectating at future tours.
Rider disgust with the heavy-handed actions of the TdF organizers and French doping officials will lead to formation of the first professional cyclists union, with Johan B as boss. This organization will lead a successful last-minute boycott of the 2010 TdF, prompting ASO to sell the TdF to a consortium of investors headed up by Lance Armstrong, with Nike and other big-time investors providing the majority of funding. Bob Roll will be made director of the Tour, and he will change the spelling of the name of the event to Tour day France, because that is how they say it anyway. Bobke will invite Didi to ride with him in the lead car every day, and they will strike up a close friendship, prompting Bob to become much more fluent in German than he has ever been in French, which will really piss those French bastards off.
The 2011 TdF will be a huge success. LNDD and AFLC will be relieved of all responsibility for drug controls. All lab work will be done in Lausanne, Rome and Huddinge. Several cheaters will be caught, but none of the cases will be made public until after testing of the B sample when guilt is firmly established. No controversies a la Landis will come up, because the methods and professionalism of the drug testing procedures will be beyond reproach. Those found guilty of doping will retire from the sport, admit their guilt and provide detailed information on how they did it and who helped them in tell-all exposé articles and books, thus paving the way for the most effective clean-up of any sport in the modern age.
Hey, I can dream, can't I? ;)
Lance will be top 10 in the prologue, but Levi or Alberto (or maybe both) will be faster. This puts Lance in a supporting role, which he fulfills dutifully. During an early climbing stage Lance will sacrifice his own GC standing in support of his team leader, thus proving his loyalty. Once all chances of Lance being team leader for Astana are truly gone, 'L'Équipe will release an exclusive report showing that LNDD and AFLC are investigating Contador again for Operación Puerto (for which he has already been cleared at least twice in the past 3 years). Astana will be told by ASO to either pull him from the race "to preserve the honor of the sport and the sanctity of the TdF" or have the whole team disqualified. Johan B will pull him from the race. Levi then takes over as team leader and responds with a monster day in the mountains, putting him within striking distance of the yellow jersey, at which point AFLC will demand samples of his urine, blood and hair. The urine and blood will be completely clean, and he will offer some short and curlies, but be disqualified from the race for his willful refusal to provide an acceptable hair sample, leaving Astana with no riders in the top 10. Rather than being happy about this, competing teams will openly express their anger with the ridiculous nature of the allegations.
Somewhere in the mountains Didi will spot Dick Pound riding in an open car and impale him with his trident. Unfortunately, Pound will make a full recovery, and Didi will be banned from spectating at future tours.
Rider disgust with the heavy-handed actions of the TdF organizers and French doping officials will lead to formation of the first professional cyclists union, with Johan B as boss. This organization will lead a successful last-minute boycott of the 2010 TdF, prompting ASO to sell the TdF to a consortium of investors headed up by Lance Armstrong, with Nike and other big-time investors providing the majority of funding. Bob Roll will be made director of the Tour, and he will change the spelling of the name of the event to Tour day France, because that is how they say it anyway. Bobke will invite Didi to ride with him in the lead car every day, and they will strike up a close friendship, prompting Bob to become much more fluent in German than he has ever been in French, which will really piss those French bastards off.
The 2011 TdF will be a huge success. LNDD and AFLC will be relieved of all responsibility for drug controls. All lab work will be done in Lausanne, Rome and Huddinge. Several cheaters will be caught, but none of the cases will be made public until after testing of the B sample when guilt is firmly established. No controversies a la Landis will come up, because the methods and professionalism of the drug testing procedures will be beyond reproach. Those found guilty of doping will retire from the sport, admit their guilt and provide detailed information on how they did it and who helped them in tell-all exposé articles and books, thus paving the way for the most effective clean-up of any sport in the modern age.
Hey, I can dream, can't I? ;)
