När det gäller vem man hälsar på och inte och andra viktiga frågor
kring rangordning av cyklister är "the Rick Denney cycling food chain"
alltid viktig att ha i minnet.
Den kanske är lite för lång att minnas utantill men då får man väl
skriva ut den och ha den i ryggfickan/camelbaken/budväskan etc
så att man ta fram den för att säkerställa korrekta hälsningar eller
kanske snarare korrekta avsnoppningar.
"After conducting detailed research, I have created the definitive
list for all cycling snobs to provide much-need guidance on Who To
Snub Without Remorse. I provide this service to all of you free of
charge.
By the way, I don't care if mountain bikes are 60% of the market. If
your knobbies have never been off the pavement, then you are The Rest
of the World.
Here's the Modified Comprehensive Cycling Food Chain:
-Roadies--Pros
-MTBers--Pros
-Roadies--Cat I/II
-Trackies--All, but they must own their own track bike
-MTBers--Expert
-Triathletes--Elites
-Roadies--Cat III/IV
-MTBers--Sport
-Roadies--Cat V
-MTBers--Novice
-Triathletes--Age Groupers wearing Speedos in a group ride (plus all
of below)
-Triathletes--Age Groupers with forward position, 650 wheels, aerobars
and normal cycling clothing
-Triathletes--Age Groupers on normal road bikes with aerobars
-Tourists--Loaded, cross-country, self-guided tours
-Tourists--Loaded, cross-country, guided tours
-Tourists--Loaded, organized vacation group
-Tourists--Non-loaded, organized vacation group in mountains (e.g.
Pedal the Peaks
-Tourists--Non-loaded, organized vacation group in mere hills (e.g.
Texas Hill Country Tour)
-Tourists--Weekend century riders
-Club riders with Fancy Road Bikes
-Club riders with Normal Road Bikes
-Club riders with Aerobars
-Recreational MTBers (off-road only)
-Commuters with fenders, panniers, and lights
-Commuters with panniers and lights
-Commuters on racing bikes
-The Rest of the World
Messengers are orthogonal to this ranking.
If you are riding in a group, you gain Obnoxiousness Points for acting
as if you are higher on the list, and Humility Points for acting as if
you are lower on the list. Both points are Bonus Points, depending on
who you are trying to impress.
Now, you must adjust your position based on the following Unspoken
Rules (never read these aloud):
If your bike is Italian, you may move up one notch. If your bike is
British, and you are a tourist, you may move up one notch; otherwise,
you must move down two notches. If your bike is aero, and you are a
triathlete, you may move up one notch.
Move up a notch this year only if you have nine-speed. Move down a
notch for each cog short of eight (nine starting next year).
Move down a notch if you have a triple up front, unless your are a
tourist. If you are tourist and have only two chainrings, then move
down to the Tourists--Weekend Century Rider rank even if you have
panniers.
The Uniqueness Limit allows only two bikes of the same make and model
in any one group. If the limit is exceeded, then all riders of the
offending make and model must move down a notch for each excess bike.
If you have visible scars, you may move up two notches, unless you are
a mountain biker. If you are a mountain biker and have no visible
scars, you must move down one notch. If you have scars in an area that
is not displayable in public, and you can persuade a member of the
opposite sex to admire it, then you can move up two notches, but not
in combination with below.
The above is correlated to the Getting Regular Sex factor. If you are
getting any, and you are male, then move up four notches. Add two more
notches if your partner is in the riding group. Add another notch
still if everyone else is flirting with her. This factor does not
apply if you are married, even if you are getting regular sex.
If you ride a team jersey for any team you have never joined, then you
must move down two notches. If your jerseys are tattered from use,
then you may move up a notch. If you are a roadie, and wear sleeveless
jerseys, then move down a notch. Drop a notch if your jersey
advertises a brand better than the one you own. Drop four notches if
you are wearing a T-shirt. Drop four notches if you are wearing
non-cycling shorts (unless they are speedos).
If you do not shave your legs, move down three notches.
If you ride Campagnolo, move up a notch, unless it's Record, in which
case move up two notches. If you ride Shimano, move down a notch,
unless it's Dura Ace, which is neutral.
If your bike is titanium, move up two notches. If it is high-end
carbon, move up one notch. If it is aluminum, move down a notch,
unless it's a Felt, in which case you can move up a notch. QR's are
neutral, but only for triathletes. If you are a tourist, and your bike
is not steel, move down three notches.
If you have aero wheels, move up a notch, unless you are a tourist, in
which case move down a notch.
If you ride tubulars, move up a notch.
If you ride with toe clips, then move to the bottom of the list.
Move up a notch if you train on a fixed gear in the early season. Move
up another notch if you train on a real track bike.
Move down a notch for each stupid question.
Move down four notches if you use the phrase "I'm a triathlete" in any
group of Roadies, Trackies, and/or Club Riders.
Move down a notch for each 15 pounds excess weight,unless you are
wearing a Speedo, in which case move down two notches. Pronounced
cycling-short tan lines move you up a notch, but only in the Summer.
In the Winter, such tan lines move you up two notches.
If, during the application of the above Unspoken Rules, you ever dip
into the The Rest of the World Category, then you must stay there.
Subsequent Bonus Points become null and void.
Note that non-roadies may choose not to participate in the above
ranking system. Roadie participation, however, is required.
I hope this detailed approach to this serious problem will assist all
of you in determining who to snub."
/Fedde
